{"id":712,"date":"2018-07-24T13:16:57","date_gmt":"2018-07-24T03:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stoic-stonebraker.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/2018\/07\/24\/how-children-react-to-separation-at-different-ages\/"},"modified":"2018-07-24T13:16:57","modified_gmt":"2018-07-24T03:16:57","slug":"how-children-react-to-separation-at-different-ages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/2018\/07\/24\/how-children-react-to-separation-at-different-ages\/","title":{"rendered":"How Children React to Separation at Different Ages"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><span style=\\\"color: #008000;\\\"><strong>Age 0-2<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Typical Characteristics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Infants are dependant on parents for meeting their needs<\/li>\n<li>They develop a sense of trust through having a predictable and consistent caregiver<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Separation Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Infants may feel the loss of contact with a primary caretaking parent<\/li>\n<li>Loss of familiar and comfortable environment<\/li>\n<li>Do not understand conflict, but may react to changes in the parents energy level and mood.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How They Might Show Their Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\\\"list-style-type: none;\\\">\n<ul>\n<li>Difficulty toileting or sleeping<\/li>\n<li>Slowing down in learning new skills<\/li>\n<li>Afraid to leave parent; clingy with parent<\/li>\n<li>General crankiness, temper tantrums, crying<\/li>\n<li>More fretful or anxious<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Suggestions for parents<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Attempt to allow both parents to bond with infant<\/li>\n<li>Meet infant\\&#8217;s needs promptly and consistently<\/li>\n<li>Try not to separate the infant from his or her primary caregiver for long periods of time<\/li>\n<li>18 month to 2 year old children can tolerate longer separations from their primary caregiver than infants, especially if an older sister or brother will be with them.<\/li>\n<li>Prepare the child for the separation by explaining what will happen<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em><span style=\\\"color: #008000;\\\"><strong>2-4 years<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Typical Characteristics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Growth of a sense of independence<\/li>\n<li>Are able to keep absent parent in mind to comfort themselves for extended periods<\/li>\n<li>Verbal skills develop for expression of feelings and needs<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Separation Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>May have a sense of responsibility for the separation<\/li>\n<li>Are anxious about basic needs being met &#8211; food, shelter, visitation<\/li>\n<li>Understands that a parent has moved, but doesn\u2019t understand why.<\/li>\n<li>May fantasise about reuniting parents<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How They Might Show Their Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Regression &#8211; returning to security blankets, old toys, lapses in toilet training<\/li>\n<li>Making up fantasy stories<\/li>\n<li>Anxious at bedtime, sleeping fitfully, waking frequently<\/li>\n<li>Fear of being abandoned by both parents<\/li>\n<li>Emotionally needy, seeking physical contact<\/li>\n<li>More irritable, aggressive, has temper tantrums<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Suggestions for parents<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Reassure your preschooler by telling them you love them and cuddling them<\/li>\n<li>Allow some regression<\/li>\n<li>Keep routines consistent<\/li>\n<li>Explain what is going to happen to the child and role play future events<\/li>\n<li>Child will adapt to longer separation from one parent through frequent visits and overnights with the other parent<\/li>\n<li>Spend time alone with the child (cuddle, read)<\/li>\n<li>Give child time with another responsive adult (grandparent, close friend)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em><span style=\\\"color: #008000;\\\"><strong>5-8 years<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Typical Characteristics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Are developing peer and community relationships<\/li>\n<li>Moral development progresses<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Separation Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>See the separation as their problem<\/li>\n<li>May cling to fantasies that their parents will reunite<\/li>\n<li>Fear abandonment and will long for the absent parent regardless of the quality of the previous relationship<\/li>\n<li>Realises that one parent is not as active or available for them<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How They Might Show Their Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>General sadness, feeling abandoned and rejected<\/li>\n<li>Crying and sobbing<\/li>\n<li>Fantasizing about parents\\&#8217; reconciliation<\/li>\n<li>Conflicts of loyalty; feeling physically torn apart; problems with impulsive behaviour<\/li>\n<li>May hold anger inside<\/li>\n<li>May have more nightmares<\/li>\n<li>May become aggressive and angry toward parent he\/she lives with<\/li>\n<li>Feels that he\/she should be punished<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Suggestions for parents<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Try to have each parent spend as much time with the child as possible<\/li>\n<li>Allow the child to express his feelings<\/li>\n<li>Help the child understand that the decision to separate had nothing to do with him or her<\/li>\n<li>Encourage the child to draw pictures about her or his feelings, and to explain the story and what it means to him\/her.<\/li>\n<li>Encourage your child to talk<\/li>\n<li>Allow other parent to maintain a regular presence in child\u2019s life<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\\\"color: #008000;\\\"><em><strong>9-12 years<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Typical Characteristics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Children of this age are developing an increased awareness of self, evaluating own strengths and weaknesses as compared to others. Pre-adolescents are working at fitting in to the peer-level social order<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Separation Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Although they see the separation as the parents\\&#8217; problem, they are often angry about the parents\\&#8217; inability to work the problems out<\/li>\n<li>Likely to take sides, siding against the parent they think wanted the separation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How They Might Show Their Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Intense anger at parent blamed for causing the separation<\/li>\n<li>Physical complaints like headaches and stomach aches<\/li>\n<li>Become overactive to avoid thinking about the separation<\/li>\n<li>Feel ashamed of what\\&#8217;s happening in the family and different from other kids<\/li>\n<li>Tries to recreate \u201cwhat was\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Suggestions for parents<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Parents need to try to remain involved and honest, and to avoid blaming each other<\/li>\n<li>Pre-adolescents can spend holidays with either parent<\/li>\n<li>Children should be allowed to contact the other parent<\/li>\n<li>Maintain a consistent routine<\/li>\n<li>Inform the child of what is happening and what will occur<\/li>\n<li>Keep teachers informed of any stress the child is feeling and get help for school problems<\/li>\n<li>Give children permission to continue loving both parent<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\\\"color: #008000;\\\"><em><strong>13-18 years<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Typical Characteristics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Teens are solidifying their identity and establishing a sense of self in relation to the\u00a0 rules and regulations of society<\/li>\n<li>Embarrassment about family<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Separation Issues<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Possible de-idealisation of one or both parents<\/li>\n<li>Will place peer needs ahead of family and therefore may not want to visit with non-custodial parent<\/li>\n<li>Understand but doesn\u2019t accept the separation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How They Might Show Their Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Withdraw from family life and spend more time with peers<\/li>\n<li>Feel hurried to become independent<\/li>\n<li>Engage in \\&#8217;trying out\\&#8217; behaviour such as sexual acting out, drinking, or drug experimentation<\/li>\n<li>Worry about their future loves and marriage<\/li>\n<li>Chronic fatigue and difficulty concentrating<\/li>\n<li>Can feel rejected by parent who has left<\/li>\n<li>Tries to cut one or both parents out of their life<\/li>\n<li>May try to adopt a carer role for one or both parents<\/li>\n<li>Feels that he\/she will never have a long-term relationship<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Suggestions for parents<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Be consistent about discipline and limits while allowing for normal adolescent behaviour<\/li>\n<li>Allow more freedom and choices<\/li>\n<li>Find time to be with the teen and be flexible with their schedules<\/li>\n<li>Give teens input about the visitation schedule, but don\\&#8217;t burden them with the responsibility of deciding on the visitation schedule<\/li>\n<li>Remind child who \u201cowns\u201d the problem, and free them from guilt<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t involve your child in parental struggles<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t use child as a replacement partner (don\u2019t discuss adult problems with him\/her<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img class=\\\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-714\\\" src=\\\"https:\/\/stoic-stonebraker.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg\\\" alt=\\\"\\\" width=\\\"570\\\" height=\\\"265\\\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Age 0-2 Typical Characteristics Infants are dependant on parents for meeting their needs They develop a sense of trust through having a predictable and consistent caregiver Separation Issues Infants may feel the loss of contact with a primary caretaking parent Loss of familiar and comfortable environment Do not understand conflict, but may react to changes &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/2018\/07\/24\/how-children-react-to-separation-at-different-ages\/\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">How Children React to Separation at Different Ages<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":714,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-712","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-conflict","category-shared-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg","uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids-300x139.jpg",300,139,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false],"large":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false],"mailpoet_newsletter_max":["https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/kids.jpg",570,265,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"admin","author_link":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/author\/notifications_hwyhfwn6\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Age 0-2 Typical Characteristics Infants are dependant on parents for meeting their needs They develop a sense of trust through having a predictable and consistent caregiver Separation Issues Infants may feel the loss of contact with a primary caretaking parent Loss of familiar and comfortable environment Do not understand conflict, but may react to changes&hellip;","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/712","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=712"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/712\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/714"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nervous-cohen.202-74-66-189.plesk.page\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}